Friday, September 25, 2015

Mariachi Sauce All Over Your Face

This is the story of a mariachi who specialized in singing cover songs. He’d put his own unique spin on every ballad he sang, both making it his own while paying honor to the original. The crowd showed their appreciation by tossing him a few coins after each performance, which was just enough for new guitar strings and the occasional torta.

One day, the mariachi received an email through the contact form submission on his website, and he was shocked to see it was from a record company! Had they heard about his ability and wanted to offer him a gig? No, it was instead a cease-and-desist letter, demanding that he immediately stop diluting their brand by singing his covers. “How dare you apply your creativity to our intellectual property!” they scolded, threatening the mariachi with a team of corporate lawyers. “Aye-yi-yi!” whispered the mariachi as he realized the error of his ways. “Better play it safe from now on,” he thought, tossing his guitar out the window. His creativity stifled, he did what any mariachi in his position would do: He became a door-to-door salsa salesman!

And you can bet your ass he has a quota to meet, so why don’t you help him out and buy some salsa from him? Mariachi Sauce stands at 3.75” (not including his magnetic sombrero) and comes packaged with a packet of random hot sauce and a mini cease-and-desist letter.

Available this Friday, 10/2 at noon PST for $40. ¡Viva el Mariachi!