Wednesday, March 20, 2013

El Cabroncito: The Littlest Bastard

Born out of an illicit love affair between a top lucha libre legend and a female midget wrestler, El Cabroncito’s father denied his son his lineage, fearing it would tarnish his highly respected reputation.

Son of a ruda: Tati "La Tigresa" Morales held the Women's Mini-Championship until the day she gave birth.

Raised in the bullet-riddled slums of Mexico City, Cabroncito vowed revenge on the lucha icon. Harboring an intense thirst for violence and a serious Napoleon complex, the little bastard was quick to pull a tee-ball bat on anyone that pointed out his diminutive stature or rumored heritage, earning him a reputation the most dangerous little person in the country.

Keep walkin', gramma: A young Cabroncito holds down the corner with full-sized authority.

As his legendary father grew old and sickly, he realized the damage his selfishness had caused and tried to resolve his error before his death. He invited Cabroncito on a Mexican talk show where he revealed to the viewing audience their family bond and his hidden shame.

Let's bring him on out: The calm before the storm.

As he kneeled down to offer a hug to his newly accepted son, Cabroncito fired his smallish foot deep into his father’s crotch before snatching his dad’s legendary mask from his head, revealing his face for the first time in his historic career. The television hosts, along with the entire viewing audience, gasped at the atrocity, unable to process what they were seeing. The last image broadcast was El Cabroncito flipping off the camera as he lit the host's couch on fire with his zippo.

Meanwhile in Tijuana:

Nursing a bloody mary and looking over a list new Bastards to potentially recruit, Ultimate Carlos glanced up at the TV just long enough to see a half-sized psychopath kicking an old douchebag in the plums.
“Great...” He thought to himself, “Now I gotta travel all the way to Mexico City.”

Say hello to our little friend: El Cabroncito is the newest member of The Battling Bastards.